What is grief?
Grief is the normal and natural reaction to a significant emotional loss of any kind. It is not a pathological condition or personality disorder.
If nobody has died, then do I still have grief?
Yes. Sadly again, The Grief Recovery Institute has identified over forty different types of loss we may experience in a lifetime. These losses include death, divorce, job loss, pet loss, moving, retirement, promotion, graduation, marriage, miscarriage, birth, fertility issues health changes (positive or negative), financial change (positive or negative), empty nest, and aged parents, just to name a few. Grief also includes intangible loss such as loss of trust, loss of control, loss of faith, and loss of fertility.
Somewhere in life we will experience one or more types of loss. We do not want the inevitable loss to leave us stuck on the side of the road with an emotionally flat tire. Sadly, we have all known people who have remained emotionally stuck and stranded. Doing so diminishes our capacity to lead a full and rewarding life. So don’t stay stuck – learn what to do instead.
Can I really learn what to do to recover?
Yes! Certified Grief Recovery Specialist® Anne Keeton will teach you the specific action steps you need to take to feel better
Shouldn’t I already know how to do this by myself?
No. It would be great if we automatically knew to recover from loss. But we don’t. Our society, in particular, teaches us how to acquire things…not what to do when we lose them. Unfortunately, while grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss, we have learned myths and misinformation about grief. These myths are not healthy or helpful or true.
What are the myths of grief?
So common are these myths that nearly everyone recognizes them. And while they may offer some short term relief, they do not provide real, long-term healing.
- Don’t feel bad
- Replace the loss
- Grieve alone
- Time will heal
- Just stay busy
- Be strong for others
It seems like time did make me feel better? Isn’t it true that time heals?
Time doesn’t heal. Time buries it. Or hides it. Or takes it off of the front burner. We adapt to the new painful reality which gives the illusion that time has healed. But just like time cannot heal a flat tire, neither can it heal our hurting hearts.
It really does seem like I feel better when I stay busy. Surely that one is true?
Keeping busy distracts us. It hides the pain under activities. But busy is just busy. Busy is not healing and busy is not recovery. Many a griever has said, “No matter how busy I stay, at the end of the day, there is still a hole in my heart.”
Imagine if you decided to keep busy while you had that flat tire. You decided to clean out the inside of the car, then the outside. Your thorough cleaning may help you be less focused on the flat tire, but does your clean car reinflate your tire? Does it get you the help that you need? Does it get you on the road moving forward? No, it just distracts you. It delays you. And it can make matters worse as your tire becomes more and more depleted of air with each moment you delay.
So what actually helps?
Sticking with the flat tire metaphor, taking the right actions help. We either get out and put on our spare tire ourselves, call roadside assistance, or walk to a gas station. Each of these solutions demonstrate that we take correct action to rectify the situation; the tire will not fix itself. We must do something – the right something (not just clean the car).
Grief Recovery teaches us to make a series of small and correct actions that allow us to regain a sense of well being.
So how do we learn what to do?
The Grief Recovery Institute® has spent over 30 years teaching people worldwide the skill of Grief Recovery. The Grief Recovery Method® lays out the exact steps that need to be taken to recover from loss. People say to “let go” and “move on,” but they don’t tell you how. The Grief Recovery Method® teaches you how. Each and every participant will learn and execute each and every step of this transformative process.
How long will it take? Will it take years to feel better?
No! In as little as seven to ten sessions, you will learn and execute the Grief Recovery Method in its entirity. Just think, in less hours than there are in one day, you can begin feeling better and learn the lifelong skill of how to recover from grief.
If I recover from my grief, does this mean I will forget my loved one?
Absolutely not! Grief Recovery teaches us how to say goodbye to the pain associated with the loss. We are not saying goodbye to fond memories In fact, sometimes we avoid the fond memories for fear that they’ll turn painful; which may mean we avoid thinking of that loved one, thereby adding another loss to an already painful one. But what we learn in grief recovery is that pain is not love. Pain is pain. And we do not love, remember or honor that significant person with our pain. Love is love. Pain is not. We lose the pain. Not the memories. Not the relationship.
Yes! Sadly, grief is the most powerful of all human experiences. It is also the moost misunderstood. You’ve heard the only things definite in life are death and taxes. We add grief to that list. Nobody gets through this life without grief.
What are the typical grief responses?
All grief is individual and unique. There are no absolutes. No two grievers will necessarily have the same response…even two grievers who are grieving the same loss. However, the following list is most typical:
- A sense of numbness
- Reduced concentration
- Disrupted sleeping patterns
- Changed eating habits
- Roller coaster of emotional energy
I experienced some of these myself. I played wing-man (or wing-woman) to one of my best friend’s walk with cancer. His death was a very significant loss to me. After he died, I walked into men’s bathrooms, locked my keys in the car frequently (one morning I did so twice in a row within 30 minutes) and double booked events at my job. And I had never slept so much in my life!
Won’t these Grief Recovery classes just be a “cry-fest?”
No! Grief Recovery is an experiential, action-based program that ensures participants move forward by taking the necessary action steps to do so. While tears may be shed, Grief Recovery is not about remaining in tears or in pain. Grief Recovery is about moving beyond loss.
Is Grief Recovery religious?
No. Grief Recovery is not religiously based nor is it contrary to any spiritual/religious traditions.